Mung Bean Munching

Note to self: in the future when your mum tells you she’s going to do a ten day mung bean detox to kick start the New Year don’t say ‘that sounds like fun, I’ll join you.’

Fun is not the word. Perhaps self-sacrificing would be better, garnished with some virtuosity. For those unsure on what a mung bean is here is a visual aid…

And no they don’t taste any better than they look. The premise of the detox is that you eat only a soup made with the beans, and you can eat as much of it as you like to be full. This is an Ayurvedic detox, a practice I strongly believe in, which was why I agreed to give it a go. Being stuffed full of Parisian baguette I was naively optimistic about munching my way through beans for ten days; feeling that I certainly had some Christmas sins to wash away. However, I knew a mistake had perhaps been made when, upon waking for the first day of school, I was served a bowl of green liquidy gruel. It tastes… fickle, meek and insipid, but is fragrantly spiced – I’ll give it that. Things didn’t get much better when in English I was wondering why I could smell my soup, only to find it had leaked into my school bag (second note to self: do not use suspect looking flasks). After drying off my notes with a hand dryer – with the aid of my tutting friend – I arrived late for Classics, apologising for a mung bean disaster, to which my teacher replied ‘#overheardinheardinWaitrose’. When my after-school snack was mung followed by more mung for supper I was already knocking off some days – maybe I’ll just do a week…

And then the next day brought an almighty, rhinoceroses charging round the skull headache, accompanied by a strong desire to throw the soup out the window. Apparently, my mother smugly informed me, one can have such adverse reactions if one has a lot to detox. Well fantastic, a year of salads doesn’t seem to have done much for me. It was an early night with the decision to just try to make it to the weekend – making it just five days now…

Day three, and things became lighter. I was beginning to understand why this existed as a detox as, despite being horribly hungry, my head did become clear and I had surprising energy. I also realised that overloading the soup with green leafy veg (which you’re allowed) makes it almost okay. I must confess to having a bowl of brown rice as well, I just couldn’t keep down as much mung I’d need to satisfy the grumblings. Rice suddenly seemed like a gift from the gods.

Day four, the final day… I know I know but I wasn’t going to survive any more school only eating liquid gruel. Just getting through the Friday was tough, and continuing on with the detox would mean the following day would be one of fasting. Well there was no way I could tackle Herodotus on an empty stomach.

And so, I can report that after four days of munging I ended up feeling very green inside, dark green, the colour of the soup green. But it was a good green, as though I had indeed cleared things out. And even though it is on the opposite scale of fun to working your way though the Christmas box of Hotel Chocolat chocolates I can recommend it as I do feel fully detoxed. I also have new-found respect for my mother and her constitution (built like a ox she jokes) as she sits beside me, finishing off her last bowl having endured the full ten days – fast and all. And for those interested she has lost 10lbs, but really I ask, at what cost?

Processed with VSCO with c1 preset

Follow this link for the full detox instructions, I bow to your courage…

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